In About A Year…

She energizes me every time we are together.

We make a plan of attack.  We let go of stress.  We choose to focus on our project and nothing beyond the scope of that project.  We slash 12-15 occupied hours from our week to make this happen.  This is bold and brave in my tangled world.  This is unpaid time to create something bigger, better, broader.  This choice frees our minds and invites creative space.

We have been so busy delivering the service that we miss consistent time to compile, gather, and finish content for the workshop series.  We’ve done the research.  Now we write what we’ve wanted to complete for three years.  More youth and children can have access to the opportunity in upcoming days when we hit pause so we can adjust our work.  As a different friend says, “Sometimes you need to take a minute.”

We pick a date for our next meeting and hit the bi-weekly calendar repeat button.  It feels good to be with a fellow creative person.  And she’s so smart.  She’s done the surrender work in her own life.  She is at peace.  I want peace.

Back in the car I think, In about a year we’re going to meet our goal.  Maybe in six months!

My car rattles.  I make my way to the highway, then catch myself.  No.  Not in a year.  Not in 6 months.  We will do the work and it will happen as it happens.  This project will unfold as it is meant to be.

I will not force it.

I will surrender to the process.

I will do my part of the work and we will see the reveal in time.

I pray, Show me the way.

I am a planner who can also be spontaneous.  I get hung up in the goal setting and walk in circles around the straight line that would be the easiest route.  I make things harder.  Not this time.

Make me a new vessel, Lord.  Guide my path.  Not my will, but Yours.  I don’t want my work-all-night-to-meet-a-deadline mode of operation.  No.  Not this time.

And so, the project begins with fresh air and a relaxed attitude.

       Proverbs 37:7 Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret….

In about a year…  We will diligently do the work with an open mind and see what happens.  I will rest when it’s time to rest and I will work when it’s time to work.

Does this make sense to other artists/writers out there?  Does surrender lead to a better way through life’s path?  I welcome your thoughts.

Pictures from the Cincinnati Nature Center on 9/17/18.  I was there for a training event.  The instructor gave us time to explore.  I saw deer, frogs, turtles, and I watched the leaves begin their seasonal descent.

God bless you,

Signature GSE

Capacity

I love to learn, especially about human behavior and social change.  The toughest human subject for me to observe, though, is me.  Learning about reasons for my own behavior, habits, and struggles is the hardest set of knots to untie.

There are things we understand logically in our mind long before we accept the same logic in our heart.  Lately the word capacity rolls around in my head like an old-fashioned marble.

I am the gal who didn’t finish Lysa Terkeurst’s book The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions In The Midst Of Endless Demands, which is really about how to say no.  I probably didn’t finish because I said yes to something and put the book aside.  I also didn’t finish the book Boundaries: When To Say Yes How To Say No And Take Control Of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.  I am a book finisher.  So, the fact that I didn’t finish reading either book may point to pattern.  Uh, yes.

The pattern goes all the way back to a 6th grade Happy Gram where the teacher wrote about me “she always does more than necessary to create excellent work.”  While that felt good at the time, now I’m not sure that was the happiest of words.

I am at a crossroads where I wish I had more to give when I have given more than I had.

So, I began saying no to projects last week.  I said no to projects I normally would be honored to complete.  Right now I need to spend time with our Higher Power, spend time with some family and friends, write and create the next chapter of life.  Every decision going forward is considered along with the question: Do I have the capacity?  I suspect wisdom and capacity are closely linked.  We shall see.

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An unattractive picture from the end of the Surrender Trail 2016 that captures how I felt then and maybe how I feel right now too!

Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.  Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

Do you have wisdom in this area?  How do you measure and make choices about capacity?

SURRENDER – 3 day experiment, day 2

God wacked me over the head with a song this morning.

I spent quiet time yesterday and early today poring over every word of Proverbs 3:5-6.  I personalize the words.  Trust in the Lord with all my heart…not my understanding…submit…He will direct my path….

Leaving home for outsourced biscuits and gravy (don’t judge), I ramble with God in the silent car:  I committed to share this surrender experiment.  I’m not sure I have much to say, God.  Is surrender acknowledging Your power?  I gratefully let go of any power I thought I had.  Really.  My body aches every day with this crazy clean out the house effort. It was all I could do to resist taking a muscle relaxer at 6am.  I can’t do that because I need these daylight hours…yes, I need You too.

Driving downhill sunshine flutters through leaves into the car.  I hear the words HERE NOW loudly in my ear/mind.  I recognize that phrase is a song title by Hillsong United that I haven’t heard in a while.  I sing some of the words:

Here now.

Cause I know that you are here now.

It makes no sense, but this is grace.

I know you are with me in this place….

I continue to sing.  My voice raises in worship.

And then it hits me.  I am overcome thinking and KNOWING that surrender brings God up close.  Our Higher Power is ever present.  When we surrender it is in those moments that we are in total closeness, togetherness, and in acknowledgement of God’s love.

Huh.  I’ll be chewing on that thought for a while.  What do you think?

Also, God is love therefore it should not surprise me the love I’ve felt both for God and for people in the last two days.  Random people:  The mother of a 3-year-old and 6-month-old at the laundromat, a pregnant cashier at Bob Evans, the man at Great Clips with a suicide prevention tattoo…and not so random:  my husband, sons and friends.  If you poke my arm heart emojis may float out of me.

Here is the verse for day 2 along with my surrender list continuation:

1 Peter 5:6-7 (NIV) Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

5.  I surrender my path.  God, take the lead.  I trust You know a better way.
6.  I surrender debt.  God, please clear the way to debt free living.  I hand over the mistakes made when we inaccurately counted the cost of what it would mean to live in the non-profit world with a corporate world house.
7.  I let go of fears related to ALS in our family.

Now back to sorting, trash bag gathering, and lugging items to Goodwill.

If you chose to join me, how is your surrender experiment going?  Am I on to something?  What are you discovering?

Sidebar:  Do you see a face in the clouds with the rainbow picture?

Love,

Glenna

 

SURRENDER – 3 day experiment, day 1

Happy 3-day weekend!  Here’s hoping you get 3 days off from work.  I know that is not the case for everyone.

I am writing to you from our local laundromat.  I have been a regular patron for about 7 weeks since our washing machine at home refuses to spin clothes at the end of a cycle.

One of my manuscripts that is looking for a publisher is about the topic of “surrender”.  Independent readers have said of the most recent draft that once they are deep into the story they don’t want it to end.  I take that as a good sign. 🤞

The manuscript file is saved, backed up and closed for now, but the topic of surrender still wanders around in my brain.  Do I understand the spiritual act of surrender?  Do I know how to surrender?  Just because I wrote an entire book about it does not mean that the answer to either of those questions is yes.

When I visualize surrender, I think of handing things to God.   I imagine release of what I try to control.  I see a road that is not nearly as difficult to navigate as my life feels many days.

For each of the next 3 days I will meditate over a verse and then make a list of what I surrender to God.  I have no idea what I will discover in this weekend of brain travel.  I would much rather be suitcase loaded and off on a physical adventure.

I sense this is a necessary experiment for me.  I may unlock discoveries.  We shall see.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)   Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your path.  

  1.  I surrender my timing to God’s timing.
  2.  I give my thoughts away to be open to God’s thoughts.
  3.  I offer my heart to God.
  4.  I let go of my understanding of life and why I’m here.

Really, what do I know and what can I learn if I attempt to blank slate my brain and be open to divine direction?

You’re welcome to join me.  If you do, let me know how it goes!

I am writing key words from the verse above in my notebook to reflect upon throughout the day.

3 Ways to Increase Summer Reading

Once upon a time I remember glorious pre-teen summers days filled with plenty of time to read books.  I either read for hours while sitting in a bean bag chair or received permission to hang out with my BFF at the community pool.  At the pool with matted wet hair we played the UNO card game or read our latest library books side by side.  I savored the smell of book pages mixed with the scent of sunscreen and damp towels.

Then along came “adulting”.  Time to read felt scarce as responsibilities expanded.  Half read books piled up in my house through the years.  Then, thanks to a dear friend’s suggestions, I found new favorite ways to increase my reading time:

1.  Log in to your local library online.  Download the app they suggest so you can check out books via your smartphone.  For example, my app is Hoopla.  Connect your library card to the app and wah lah!  My library allows 12 book downloads per month.  I listen to books during my daily commute.  In the last 2 years I’ve easily completed 3-4 books per month.  I look forward to drive time.  I enjoy the time to learn or adventure through new stories.  Some books aren’t recorded but can still be downloaded for electronic page turn reading.

2.  When I want to specifically support an author or can’t find a book through the library, I turn to Audible.  Audible charges a monthly fee which translates to credits when you want to buy a book.  Audible remembers what you’ve bought and keeps an online library ready for you.  I find that credits build up faster than I expect and I always have enough when it’s time to buy a book.

3.  Yes, I still do like the feel of a physical book in my hands.  When I keep a reading light and current books on my night stand, I am more likely to read before going to sleep.  I feel cozy and relaxed with a comforter and a book.

Bonus:  4.  My BFF from the pool long ago has a double win reading strategy.  She helps the environment by riding the bus to work.  Also, bus rides are reading time for her!  She plows through books.  I admire her reading dedication.

I am much happier now that continuous learning and personal growth through reading books is a steady part of my life.

How do you make time for reading?  I’d love to hear about your ideas.

Glenna

P.S. Photo was taken downtown Cleveland, Ohio 07/07/18.

P.P.S. One of my favorite blogs is called Make America Read Again.  It’s worth checking out for more great info about reading and book reviews.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Resting Face Fix

We sat on the 52nd floor of Prudential Tower inside the Top of the Hub restaurant.  It was the last evening of a week-long training in Boston, Massachusetts.  The city lights twinkled in the night-time landscape.  My female co-worker’s fork froze midair ascent when he said it.

His name was Alan.  I had stored him in my contacts as Al from Nashville–met 2012.

Among the dark wood finishes and fresh flowers, we had a deep conversation about youth led substance abuse prevention and teen empowerment.  With intrigue and conviction, he points to me, “You are smarter than I thought you were.”  I am silent, then he continues, “Looking at your face this week I didn’t know you were this intelligent.”

Huh.

Now…I may suspect this was a moment of unconscious bias toward females in his life.  It could be.  But I chose to own my piece of it quietly because this was the fourth time in my adult life that something like this was said to me.  Four felt like a theme.  Even if the score is three males to one female who said something similar over the years, it is still a theme.  I’ve been back burner simmer thinking about this subject matter for a while.

Fast forward to 2018 when I’m getting ready to leave for a writer’s conference.  On my list to discuss with my Masterminds group was:  My Resting Face Problem.  I filled in the 4 women team on the issue.  They offered quality meeting people for the first-time guidelines.  Then we came up with the idea to have specific words in mind all week that would hopefully project on my face in the quiet times, walking around campus times, and all times.  They suggested I come up with 3-4 words.

Strategy Words So, I did just that.  During the drive I committed that the following words would be on my face while in public always:  welcoming, kindness, humble, confidence.  Each time I left my room I looked in the mirror and said those words.

Then a metaphoric resting face earthquake happened not 24 hours into the conference.  I received a punch you in the stomach kind of phone call from home.  The call was about work, co-workers and children I care about immensely.  It was a blind side and news of a likely short-sighted decision that could roll down hill in a painful way.  I turned my face toward the nearest wall because I felt the strategy words slide right off my face.

I quickly prayed for many things and did my best to acknowledge gratitude that no one was physically bleeding or worse at home.  I was minutes away from the next meeting with a literary agent.  Turning toward a wall may have morphed into bouncing off walls because someone noticed.  I strained for composure when the sweetest person scooped me up.  Her name is Janine Rosche.  This dear sister sized me up in less than 2 minutes and asked if she could pray me over the hurdle.  Uh, yes please, Jesus take the wheel, I’m thinking.  She prayed me from brain implosion WHAT!? to calm.  I am forever grateful.  She is a Christian Romance writer.  Her blog is JanineRosche.com.  [I will buy anything she writes–hear that publishers?!]

The shakeup was Monday.  I carried on prayerfully the rest of the week.  Mostly I could focus, but I felt my body stress while in a new situation and it hurt to know people were hurting at home.  Resting face words became even more important because I used thinking about the words to center myself each day.  I needed to remember who I am and why I was there.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday hummed along and I enjoyed connecting with people and learning.  Thursday afternoon I sat down before the long drive home to care for some business deadlines and emails.  The covered patio overlooking a pond was a comfort.  I knew I’d feel better if I knocked out the work rather than pause at rest stops looking for wi-fi.

So help me, the phone rings and during the call I hear another piece of work information that sours my stomach.  People can be cruel.  The details don’t matter, but it was a problem that led me to be concerned whether I could handle driving 6 hours home.

Most conference attendees were already gone.  The campus was quiet.  Along comes a husband and wife team from Alabama that I had met earlier in the week.  They run a marriage ministry.  They stopped to say hello.  I explained that I was concerned about making the drive.  They asked if they could pray for me.  Yes, please.  

And then the full circle moment zapped my heart.

This is a clip from their prayer:

“….Lord, every time we’ve seen Glenna this week her face is a welcoming face, a kind face.  She is weary right now before the drive, but we ask you restore her confidence that we know is in her.  We thank you for the humble spirit we’ve sensed from her all week….”

I almost fell to the ground.

God is good.  God looks out for us and all of our struggles.  He even helps with resting face fixes!

While the Bible may not talk about the term “resting face”, I do cherish the following verse because rest and God’s presence is vital through the ups and downs of life.  In our facial expressions God can give us rest and focus.  In our struggles the greatest theme above any of our own life themes is the fact that God can weave the words and people we need into our current challenge.  We have His presence and we have His kind of rest available.  He will go with us.

And he said, “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.”  Exodus 33:14  NKJV

Glenna