Children – Glenna S. Edwards

Uber Stress

Published on February 2, 2020February 2, 2020 by Glenna S. Edwards

There was no calming my heartbeat. Blood rushed through my body. My back and head hurt. I was scared.

It took me 3 weeks to set up Uber on my phone. I knew how to use Uber as a passenger. I did not know how to be a driver. The app is so simple that I was confused. I watched driver YouTube videos and tutorials, uploaded my car related documents, but understood little. I gathered that in order to learn, I must go do.

I told Hubby Saturday evening that I was off to try my best. We are in the 10 day financial crunch period of the month so this gal’s gotta make extra dough.

Seemed like there is not much trip action for drivers in Kentucky so I nervously headed toward Ohio to a sketch neighborhood that showed fares available on the map. Gotta rip the band-aid off, I told myself.

Suddenly the phone beeped while I was still in Kentucky. I had a trip request. I pushed “accept”.

The app directed me to Bonefish Grill. I looked for a human, then realized I was there for a food pickup.

Ooohhh.

Inside the building, I felt the little kick in the stomach that sometimes comes when I see couples out having fun. Couples without wheelchairs everywhere.

Aside from that soon squelched jealousy, I wanted to scream, “This is my first time with Uber!”

So many thoughts.

Servers brought the food bag. I hoped it was all in there. I glanced at the number of containers, but I am not familiar with that restaurant’s food.

Off I went 10 miles to find house numbers in the dark.

A nonchalant woman took the food after I called her.

8 dollars earned. Was that enough of a trial run or should I continue?

I see a “$5 bonus for 3 series” trip on the map. I am not far away so I head that direction thinking, What type of person needs 3 back to back trips? Will this be a grandma who needs to run a few errands? At 930pm?

Shows how clueless I am. That was simply an enticement to stay in an area and do multiple trips.

Which was fine, bonus either way. My first passenger was named the same as my best friend’s daughter. That gave me comfort. She was a sweetheart too.

At one point, I felt lonely on top of my newbie anxiety. Then inbetween trips, I received a text from my bestie seeing if I was out giving Uber Driver a go. It meant a lot to be checked on and she reminded me of Joshua 1:9 at the very moment I had made $19.19.

Then our 17yo texted at 11:30pm to ask, “Everything ok?” before he went to bed. That warmed my soul.

I stopped around midnight with 5 total trips and 45 dollars. Thank you to Madeline and Autumn who tipped. I can’t figure out if there is a way to say thanks through the app.

That is all I could handle on a first go. No matter how I tried to be calm, I couldn’t manage to be relaxed in this new arena yet.

I’ll keep my car clean and try to pick up more this week.

For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Gus Deployment Part Two

Published on November 22, 2019November 24, 2019 by Glenna S. Edwards1 Comment

Before soaring on United Airlines one day in August, two TSA people panicked when I placed a pet carrier on the security conveyor belt.

I said to their reaching hands, “It’s empty. Don’t worry.”

Whew! Their blue shirts relaxed a bit.

“I am heading to get my son’s cat,” I said to more people than probably wanted to know that day.

My mission: Get the cat. Keep my emotions in check. Spend as little money as possible. Stretch granola in backpack.

One thing I’ve learned about being a military mom is that tears are the enemy to be embraced. I can be happy for our son = tears. I can be proud = tears. Saying hello = tears. Saying goodbye = tears.

Fight them and the tears are worse. I attempt to embrace and let them pass. If you’re a military parent, you know this roller coaster.

Son-1 and I strive for what we call “the good good-bye”. He tries to laugh when my face swells. There is something about military life that makes the words “gut wrenching” meaningful as an experience rather than a phrase.

Once in New Mexico, I see in our son right away that he is feeling about his cat a little like what I feel when he and I separate for months at a time. He hugs Gus, plays with Gus, and takes long looks at Gus. I imagine he is burning the memory of Gus into his soul with enough love to last for many months until they reunite.

Meanwhile on minimal sleep for a 24 hour trip, my mind focuses on how to get a cat across the country without losing him.

“Ok, Mom. You guys have to go now,” Son-1 said about 40 minutes before I planned to leave that morning. He did not want to cry. I understood.

We place a “calming collar” on Gus and put him in the pet carrier.

“Here. I got you these,” Son-1 hands me breakfast. It was thoughtful of him to stop at a gas station for Pepsi and Swedish Fish with me in mind.

I stress-nosh on the red fish when Gus begins to wail in the car. Have I mentioned that Gus and I had to drive 90 miles to the airport?

Son-1 and GF warned me that Gus does not like car rides, but I know his wail is more than a dislike of the car. Gus knew I was taking him from his people.

Gus cried.

I cried.

Hubby called once while I was stopped in the desert by a police blockade. Missiles were being tested nearby. Stopping only made Gus cry louder.

“It will be ok, Gus.” I turn him so he can see me through his net. That didn’t help. I wonder if his claws will rip the carrier netting. Then I remember that I packed a small roll of duct tape. Hopefully I will not need to figure out how to repair or get him back in the carrier if he escapes.

I hyperventilate on the phone to Hubby, “Don’t. Tell Son-1. That. Gus. Is.” Inhale, “Crying.”

“Honey, catch your own breath. It will be ok.”

Sure it will. I am in new territory: alone with a cat, saying good-bye to our son for his first deployment overseas, and driving toward El Paso, Texas which dripped with sadness in the air from recent events.

There are security options with a pet in an airport. I could take the cat out of the carrier and walk through the screening device. No way. Or I could request the private room to take the cat out of the container. Sigh.

In the private room, the TSA agents share horror stories, “One time a cat died right here at this check point.”

What?!

“Yep, the owner overmedicated the cat.”

I feel so glad we did not medicate Gus. I zip him back inside with our new bonding and determination. We can do this, Gussie-boy. G-ma will protect you.

At our layover, I bravely allow Gus to walk around an indoor pet spot.

I pose him for a picture near the airport’s USO. “We are on task, buddy.”

He and I people watch at airport gates.

Inside the carrier is one of Son-1’s worn t-shirts. I explain to the cat that the shirt is for comfort.

“Don’t worry, Gus, your owners will be back for you.”

The t-shirt also connects the dots of smells for the pets waiting at home. Once back in Greater Cincinnati, there was minimal quarantine time and/or hissing by our welcome wagon pets. They recognized Son-1’s scent. They gave us looks like, “WTH? Meow. Ok, fine.”

Gus settled in with cat toys, scratch pads, and favorite play-sleep spots. He marvels at the new sights through our window: chipmunks, leaves, grass, snow flurries. It’s different here.

And sometimes Gus hangs out near the door patiently waiting for Son-1 and GF to return.

Job 12:7 But ask the animals, and they will teach you…

Posts about Gus are dedicated to his cat parents who are currently deployed separately in the military. Please pray for the men and women who endure loneliness in the name of freedom during this holiday season.

Let there be peace on earth.

GF, Son-1, Gus, & their promise rings.

Gus the Deployed Cat

Published on November 17, 2019November 18, 2019 by Glenna S. EdwardsLeave a comment

Our oldest son, let’s call him Son-1, has been in the military 3 years.

After moving out of an Air Force base dormitory and into an apartment in New Mexico, he began considering pet ownership.

He talked the idea over with us and his girlfriend (GF) for several months. Son-1 and GF landed on a cat being the best option for them. “But,” he asked me. “If I have to deploy, Mom, would you come get the cat?”

Would I come get the cat?! The words stuck with me for a while. I convinced myself that Oh, it will be a while before that could happen. And Oh, maybe if he deploys, then the timing will work out that his girlfriend or someone else can care for the animal. I won’t really be needed.

We are the type of family that stick with a pet for life. Ultimately I am glad Son-1 got that memo. Pet care is a serious commitment. He’s turning out to be a responsible guy. I think surely my son won’t need me in this way, but if he does, I said, “Yes. I’ll be there.”

I pause here to mention that when our first pet, an insane nearly untrainable and somewhat aggressive 10 lb. dog passed away, then it was a full 9 years before we were willing to have a pet again.

And–once upon a time, I was not a cat person at all. I harbored years of judgement against cats. What I saw and smelled at various homes growing up was not something I wanted in my life. But then one day in 2010 I fell for the tiniest little kitten in Jackson County. I remember our young boys whispered to Hubby, “Mom. Picked. Up. A. Cat.” And Hubby whispered, “Yeah, something’s going down here. She never does that.”

We brought that sweet baby home.

I bought good cat litter. We established twice per day scoop policies. The next year we gave her a friend. Two cats. Clearly I lost my mind.

Fast forward back to last year, Son-1 and GF chose a cat named Gus from a shelter. He had been left behind by other people once or twice. Gus would be left behind no more.

“He is cross-eyed, Mom,” Son-1 said over the phone. “The vet doesn’t think he’ll do well if he is out in the wild.” So Indoor Gus began a sweet life with his new mom and dad.

And Hubby and I felt somewhat like distant cat grandparents.

The first time I met Gus I observed that because of his eye situation he tilts his head back to see when you walk into a room. It looks like he says, “Whaz up?” every time.

For several months we enjoyed pics and texts about their life with Gus. They were a happy little pet inclusive family.

Then GF received notice of deployment. She had several months to prepare. The couple thought they’d cuddle with their cat until she left. Then we were all surprised when Son-1 received notice that he also would deploy but with only 3 weeks notice. Eek! Gus moved up on the extended family priority list. I had made the promise, so you know what happened next.

We rapidly picked the 24 hours that I would fly alone 3200 miles round trip on a tight budget to get Gus. Hubby and I couldn’t help but feel like I was going to get our grandchild-cat.

G-ma is coming!

[End of part one. Stay tuned for part two.]

Job 12:7 But ask the animals, and they will teach you…

Gus downward pose — *The story of Gus is posted with permission of his 21 year old active duty military parents.

A Little Hungry

Published on November 10, 2019November 16, 2019 by Glenna S. Edwards1 Comment

If I could assign “required reading” for adults on the planet, then I would put on the list Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, And A Mother’s Will To Survive by Stephanie Land. Buy it, read it, “get” it.

Stephanie writes about the days when she had a small child, no other reliable adult support, lived in a mold ridden apartment that made them sick, and worked as a maid. For me, as a woman who struggles a bit now and as a daughter of a mom who cleaned houses for 20 plus years on top of her day job, this book echoed through my whole being.

People need to know what it is like to be in Stephanie’s shoes. The juggle is intense. What might seem like the most common things become road blocks. For example, recently a woman asked me if she could use my computer to fill out and print a Section 8 form. When I said of course, her relief was visible. Her forehead, shoulders, and arms relaxed; measurable only in millimeters on the exhale, right in front of me.

If we really want to help people in poverty, then we need to help with things like printing and transportation. And we need to nix the judgemental and marketing manipulative attitudes.

Some people give others the stink-eye because someone who may appear to be poor has what looks like a smartphone. But let me tell you that phone likely does not do everything your phone does. That person may only pay for a certain number of minutes at a time. What may be your daily lifeline is a tool that comes and goes for them. Imagine how quickly you might run out of minutes with no money to get more. Over the summer, a woman called me to help her track the bus route progress. She had a phone but no internet. She was waiting at a bus stop and trying to get to the hospital to see her child. She talked me through how to use my phone to look up the live bus line.

And how about the environmental marketing that impacts people in poverty? If you go into Kroger in a fancy neighborhood, the alcohol may be in a separate side store or tucked in a pergola looking back section of the store. If you go into a Kroger in an area with higher poverty, then the alcohol is in front and often near the checkout like candy for the young and old to see all year long. Cigarettes and E-cigs? Where do you think the most vape shops are and the most colorful nicotine addictive luring posters?

If we really cared, mental health and self care learning options would be accessible at the unemployment office and government offices that give assistance. We could teach better options. We could make healthy resources easier to connect with. We could.

The prolonged brain strain begins to physically hurt. I know first hand the constant pressure of trying to pay bills with no way to save toward the inevitable broken appliance, car repair, etc. I must write down every little to-do item or I will forget. I think of this time in our lives as either go-to-work or shelter-in-place and allow time to pass until the next paycheck.

When Hubby needed help today he said, “No because it’s not fair to you.” I replied, “Thanks for the acknowledgement. And this is not fair to either one of us. We’re in this [ALS-21] together.”

People say you either get better or get bitter. I think that is true, but my brain hurting likely will not go away until we sell the house and start over. I cast vision daily in my mind of what it will look like when we are no longer slave to a mortgage after losing his income, and when we are in a more accessible location so I can stop worrying about how Hubby will make it up or down stairs.

My “getting better” is in the appreciation of many small things. I notice beauty around me. Every time there is hot water I am thankful. When I open the fridge door to cold food, I am delighted. Groceries are golden. When a friend bought me two tacos, I felt joy to ditch tuna and peanut butter on a long pre-paycheck week. I have hugged the washer and dryer in appreciation for their endurance. I marveled at this sunset Saturday night:

If you struggle, you are not alone. Stephanie Land reminds us of that.

What would you place on the required adult reading list?

Love,

Glenna

Bestie Mantra Weekend

Published on September 25, 2019September 25, 2019 by Glenna S. Edwards1 Comment

Driving 3 hours to her house, I think of all we might do in a 24 hour getaway. I will go as far as karaoke. I’m all in.

Good food and laughter are guaranteed. I need a minute away. Home is stable. This is my chance. Hubby wishes me well with my favorite, “Have fun.”

I appreciate and love my girlfriends so much. They keep me sane. I could listen to stories about what goes on in their lives forever. They listen to me too. And this bestie, Bestie B, was my college roommate. We survived living together, studying together, random outings, heartbreak, and the dawn of adult living. She knows the recipe for my go-to final exams breakfast omelet. She knows I clean to alleviate stress. I have not seen her in many months. Every second will be savored.

After visiting with her daughter and a tour of her new place, we moms go out to eat Mexican. We dive into life stage ponderings and problem solving which leads to a weekend project and of course, duh, the craft ~~store~~ stores. We visit JoAnn’s, Target, Walmart, & Michael’s. Shopping is something I hardly ever do these days. It feels good to wander.

Back at her home, the project ensues. We seek words that will lead to a personal mantra. A mantra is a slogan or phrase that one can use to meditate. It may be for a season or a lifetime. We hope creating a mantra will help steer our brains in a healthy way. Through conversation, we write down positive words and watch for the most important words to elevate. Our intent is to have a ready thought to help with current challenges.

I mean, my gal is an engineer and I consider myself a social scientist, so this was fun. Hours unfold. Words emerge. We are well past our usual bedtimes. I anticipate she will land on 3 separate words, but I am wrong.

With a sound effect of introduction well after midnight, a word phrase moves to the top of the post it note chart. We agree to sleep on the results and see if the mantra sticks. She has a mantra statement “Manage My Mind”. I have a mantra question “Is that thought helpful?”.

I wake up in a different place and watch Netflix undisturbed for an hour. As if I wasn’t already in Heaven, then I share in a bestie chocoholic breakfast. Yum.

Our fresh minds agree that the mantras fit even after sleep. These are our phrases for this season.

We move into craft time. She makes vinyl stencils with her Cricket (Thanks Daughter M for helping Bestie B figure it out over the phone). We place the stencils on decorative wood from Wal-mart ($2.97ea). We use one of the 12 paints in a set from Michael’s ($9.99set) and sponge brushes ($4.97set) to paint the words.

While paint dries we listen to the podcast “My Favorite Murder”. On the second round of paint drying, I nap a little and have to Google the rest of the podcast story. Then it is time to remove the stencils and fill in any missed spots.

I want to add glitter. We find cute large rounds of glitter at Walmart ($3.99). I use Elmer’s Glue to apply the sparkle.

Wah lah! Our mantras are ready to be placed in a spot where we will be reminded daily.

When it’s time to depart and without discussion, she finds a Ziploc bag to keep my new favorite sign from leaving glitter in my car. #Love

My mantra “Is that thought helpful?” reminds me of the Bible verse that talks about taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5).

I’ll pay attention to how my brain functions over the next few months with this mantra hanging in my office. I don’t want to get stuck on “thinking” that is not useful. I want to train my brain to keep moving my thoughts and actions in a good direction.

If you get a chance to do a mantra making project, I would love to hear about it. I hope it is as fun and useful to you as it was to Bestie B & me.

Love,

Glenna

What Swirls In Your Head

Published on March 1, 2019March 1, 2019 by Glenna S. Edwards2 Comments

Are there negative comments made by others about you that come to mind easily or often?

And worse, were those words said many years ago, but still linger today?

Yeah? Me too.

I’ve chosen to address some of the aforementioned. To follow is one example.

Shortly after Hubby and I were married my mom said, “I know he must love you because I know what that (me!) looks like in the morning.”

Some might think that she was jovial or meant her over share for fun, but in that moment I felt her words pierce my newlywed abdomen. Deep.

Over the decades I barely noticed that I heard her say it over and over within the swirling sauce pan on my mental health back burner. Her sentence low level impacts my ability to function.

I don’t want to see me in the mornings. I can be slow to rise post alarm clock. Her words are there even when I mostly ignore their existence. I take way too long to get out the door. I dread the daily get ready ritual. And frankly, I’d like a blue ribbon for managing to get me from bedhead to work while also getting children to school for much of the last 20 years.

Recently I allowed myself to tune in to the slow burn frequency. I decided that every single day for the month of February I would take a morning selfie within minutes of being awake.

Maybe if I head on face my own face and wild AM hair, then I could find release from those stupid words?

So the selfies began.

I challenged her comment.

And I felt annoyed mostly.

I laughed at frayed ponytails. I dared to whisper “make up free is beautiful” or “lingering one eyed eye liner is hot”.

I hid sometimes.

I took a pic daily no matter what.

I guessed by my birthday mid month surely I would be past carrying the hurt. I am a gosh darn Valentine Day born person filled with Love and Light. I am done with holding myself back. Right?

Nope. I did not feel better the 14th, 15th, 16th, and so forth.

I continue with my selfie promise and determine that I will learn to love all this. After all, God loves me. And there are plenty of people who may not be traditional magazine cover material, but I find them gorgeous inside and out. Could I admire the undone me?

Along the way I accept that I may complete the month without feeling any breakthroughs on the subject of my morning time look. I pondered verses like:

Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.

Ephesians 5:29 For no one has ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, as the Messiah does the church.

Proverbs 19:8 To acquire wisdom is to love oneself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.

Then one night last week I had a dream. A detailed dream. People I trust and value greatly were there. I was invited to go on a hike. I had to pack quickly borrowing some supplies, grabbing what was available, and choosing to do without some items.

My hiking buddy was a young early 20’s gal with red hair. As we passed an amusement park on our way to nature she said, “I may not be or feel pretty, but I always have adventure.”

Yes! Something shifted in my body. I connected with the free to roam, always have adventure statement. When I woke up, I no longer felt linked to the negative feelings. I felt change.

I thanked God for my sense of departure from the negative weight.

Since that dream I have continued the February commitment while also noticing my improved ability to love the person I spend the most time with: me.

The 28 pictures have formed into an art collection. I appreciate both the humor and seriousness found in the pictures.

I am pretty excited today is March 1. No more morning selfies and no more need for morning selfies.

What swirls in your mind? Is there something you can address with the intention of breaking free from it? I’d love to hear how you creatively kick certain thoughts or words to the curb.

Wishing you health and freedom,

Glenna

Scripture Spoke Louder

Published on August 22, 2018August 22, 2018 by Glenna S. Edwards1 Comment

I find treasure each weekend as we prepare to move. Most recently I discovered a 2-inch x 3-inch notebook from 1983. The paper has yellowed. The spiral wire feels rough like rust. The pages are difficult to turn.

Inside are Bible verses from a time when I took every curly q of cursive writing seriously. I was 11 years old in 1983. My guess is that in Sunday School we wrote a verse or two each week. The notebook is divided into Old Testament and New Testament sections, poetry, prophecy, and more. I have no idea who my Sunday School teacher was for this weekly exercise, but he or she was wise. What an excellent way to learn scripture.

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Almost every page contains Bible verses that have been with me nearly my whole life. They reside not only in a dark corner of my basement moved from home to home but also in the foundation of my heart.

Exodus 14:14, When adults have competing agendas and it is best to hold my tongue.

Leviticus 19:4, When the boy broke my heart. Uh, ok, boys. Plural. Worshiping another human is a trap often leading to disappointment. I learned only God can “complete me”.

Ruth 3:10, When I found strength in the fact that a gentle woman can still have power and grace.

2 Samuel 22:4, When I trusted God to deliver me from less than nice people. [Sidebar: Have you heard that 1 in 25 people may be a functioning sociopath? Check out a great book for more info: The Sociopath Next Door.]

Ecclesiastes 7:9, When I developed a slooooow fuse. I don’t anger easily. That is a blessing in my relationships.

Micah 7:7, When I feel scared or lonely and ask Jesus to wrap His arms around me as I go to sleep.

2 Corinthians 5:7, When I take healthy risks with hope for the best outcome.

John 3:16, When I maintain perspective on the greatest love story of all time.

Mark 16:15, When I chose to write a Christian blog and Christian manuscript about freedom found in surrender. Preach, sisters!

What scripture has spoken louder than your circumstances? Is there a teacher you need to thank? Or children in your life who will benefit from the time you take to build a notebook with them?

I am grateful for the caring adults who poured light into me even if it took 35 years for me to realize the lasting power of the wisdom they shared.

Glenna

5 Reasons To See The Movie Eighth Grade

Published on August 3, 2018August 31, 2018 by Glenna S. Edwards1 Comment

My son turned 16 this week. We went to see the movie Eighth Grade together, and I’m so glad we did. Yes, it is rated R. I accepted in advance that we would have to deal with uncomfortable or inappropriate “stuff”.

I walked away from the theater thinking anyone who works with youth age 12 to 18 need to see this film, and anyone who is a parent or close relative of children age 0 to 18 need to see this (mostly without kids present). Here are my reasons why:

Eighth Grade is a culture capture masterpiece. The main character, Kayla, is facing uphill social anxiety issues within a suburban life setting filled with social media overload, popularity issues, vlogging, and teen body development. The movie gives adults the opportunity to feel the culture through Kayla’s eyes. Most adults can not relate to growing up in the social media age. For 1 hour and 33 minutes you feel the sharp edges of what today is like for many young people.
There are mature moments that deal with everything from boys trying to take advantage of girls to feeling awkward in a bathing suit. For me, this was an opportunity to talk after the movie with my son about what we took away from the movie. We both had lots of reactions to unravel and I count every deep conversation with a teenager a win.
As a writer, I cheered at the way the script set the scene from the get go. The quick flash images of braces with rubber bands, a tumbling Crayola markers tower, etc. had me. I was in the middle school setting. I could smell the dry erase board.
Elsie Fisher (Kayla) is an incredible actor. I believed her character every second. Josh Hamilton (the dad) nailed his part. Oh my, I’ve been that parent! Being there for your child in a culture that seems to dominate over common sense can be tough. Kudos to all the actors and congratulations to writer/director Bo Burnham! #Genius
Parents of young children could learn a lot by seeing this film without kids present. Use the experience to make decisions and prepare in advance for the adolescent years. For example, I could not be happier that we waited to give our oldest child a smartphone until he was 17 years old. We were concerned about impulse issues and it was good to watch his brain develop further before a phone was ever present. Then, at a loss for a good Christmas present for the younger child, we gave him a smartphone much sooner. He was 14. I wish we waited. Technology at a child’s fingertips is overrated. I have a whole mental list of internet filters and turn off switches that I would have deployed if I’d known better sooner with my kids.

Another thought that came to mind is how painful it can be for young people to endure the current day culture if they don’t know of a Higher Power or higher purpose for their life. No one measures up to photoshopped pictures of peers or celebrities. Knowing peace in your heart and soul no matter what one sees online is helpful. My prayer for young families is to not wait to give a solid foundation to your children. Teach them early of the greatest love there is so they can withstand storms that arrive in various forms.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Sidebar: This is a link to an academic paper I helped write about Conceptualizing Adolescence/ts in 2017. If you are an educator, parent or mental health professional, I hope it is helpful.

Resting Face Fix

Published on June 30, 2018August 31, 2018 by Glenna S. EdwardsLeave a comment

We sat on the 52nd floor of Prudential Tower inside the Top of the Hub restaurant. It was the last evening of a week-long training in Boston, Massachusetts. The city lights twinkled in the night-time landscape. My female co-worker’s fork froze midair ascent when he said it.

His name was Alan. I had stored him in my contacts as Al from Nashville–met 2012.

Among the dark wood finishes and fresh flowers, we had a deep conversation about youth led substance abuse prevention and teen empowerment. With intrigue and conviction, he points to me, “You are smarter than I thought you were.” I am silent, then he continues, “Looking at your face this week I didn’t know you were this intelligent.”

Huh.

Now…I may suspect this was a moment of unconscious bias toward females in his life. It could be. But I chose to own my piece of it quietly because this was the fourth time in my adult life that something like this was said to me. Four felt like a theme. Even if the score is three males to one female who said something similar over the years, it is still a theme. I’ve been back burner simmer thinking about this subject matter for a while.

Fast forward to 2018 when I’m getting ready to leave for a writer’s conference. On my list to discuss with my Masterminds group was: My Resting Face Problem. I filled in the 4 women team on the issue. They offered quality meeting people for the first-time guidelines. Then we came up with the idea to have specific words in mind all week that would hopefully project on my face in the quiet times, walking around campus times, and all times. They suggested I come up with 3-4 words.

So, I did just that. During the drive I committed that the following words would be on my face while in public always: welcoming, kindness, humble, confidence. Each time I left my room I looked in the mirror and said those words.

Then a metaphoric resting face earthquake happened not 24 hours into the conference. I received a punch you in the stomach kind of phone call from home. The call was about work, co-workers and children I care about immensely. It was a blind side and news of a likely short-sighted decision that could roll down hill in a painful way. I turned my face toward the nearest wall because I felt the strategy words slide right off my face.

I quickly prayed for many things and did my best to acknowledge gratitude that no one was physically bleeding or worse at home. I was minutes away from the next meeting with a literary agent. Turning toward a wall may have morphed into bouncing off walls because someone noticed. I strained for composure when the sweetest person scooped me up. Her name is Janine Rosche. This dear sister sized me up in less than 2 minutes and asked if she could pray me over the hurdle. Uh, yes please, Jesus take the wheel, I’m thinking. She prayed me from brain implosion WHAT!? to calm. I am forever grateful. She is a Christian Romance writer. Her blog is JanineRosche.com. [I will buy anything she writes–hear that publishers?!]

The shakeup was Monday. I carried on prayerfully the rest of the week. Mostly I could focus, but I felt my body stress while in a new situation and it hurt to know people were hurting at home. Resting face words became even more important because I used thinking about the words to center myself each day. I needed to remember who I am and why I was there.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday hummed along and I enjoyed connecting with people and learning. Thursday afternoon I sat down before the long drive home to care for some business deadlines and emails. The covered patio overlooking a pond was a comfort. I knew I’d feel better if I knocked out the work rather than pause at rest stops looking for wi-fi.

So help me, the phone rings and during the call I hear another piece of work information that sours my stomach. People can be cruel. The details don’t matter, but it was a problem that led me to be concerned whether I could handle driving 6 hours home.

Most conference attendees were already gone. The campus was quiet. Along comes a husband and wife team from Alabama that I had met earlier in the week. They run a marriage ministry. They stopped to say hello. I explained that I was concerned about making the drive. They asked if they could pray for me. Yes, please.

And then the full circle moment zapped my heart.

This is a clip from their prayer:

“….Lord, every time we’ve seen Glenna this week her face is a welcoming face, a kind face. She is weary right now before the drive, but we ask you restore her confidence that we know is in her. We thank you for the humble spirit we’ve sensed from her all week….”

I almost fell to the ground.

God is good. God looks out for us and all of our struggles. He even helps with resting face fixes!

While the Bible may not talk about the term “resting face”, I do cherish the following verse because rest and God’s presence is vital through the ups and downs of life. In our facial expressions God can give us rest and focus. In our struggles the greatest theme above any of our own life themes is the fact that God can weave the words and people we need into our current challenge. We have His presence and we have His kind of rest available. He will go with us.

And he said, “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14 NKJV

Glenna

Feel the Feels

Published on June 23, 2018June 29, 2018 by Glenna S. EdwardsLeave a comment

You might think that someone who was a psych major would already know this, but what I am about to share is something I’ve only figured out how to do in the last 18 months. I am not an expert, but I am getting better and practicing.

As children many of us are taught to suppress undesirable emotions. For example, we may be told don’t be mad, sad, cry or demonstrate feelings that might make someone else (like a parent perhaps) feel uncomfortable.

Nowadays in my work I find more and more information that states it is important to validate a child’s emotions. Tell the child it is ok to feel what they feel, and then encourage them to think carefully about what actions they will do next while being aware of their feelings.

Sidebar: Jesus had all the emotions while on earth that we have too. It’s how we utilize those emotions that matters. We can welcome the feeling(s) and still be in control of our behavior choices.

Recently I told a friend, “Not that you are…but be enraged if you need to be. Use it. Maybe you need a little mad to keep moving. Feel the feels and let them pass through your body. Then get back to work.”

I have found that if I fight the feels, then it takes longer for me to get on track. I have learned to:

Pause. Allow myself to take a time out when I need it.
Identify the emotion or emotions.
Say in acknowledgement “I feel _______ (fill in the blank).”
Visualize the emotion(s) pass through my body.
Repeat as needed. Breathe and exhale through the process. Release the pain if needed. Sometimes I thank the emotion for stopping by and for reminding me that I am human.

This process validates rather than fights the feeling.

Key:

Fighting or suppressing emotions derails my time management.
Validating and identifying an emotion normalizes my feelings and takes much less time to address.

Another time saver is when I pray, “God here is________. Take it. Lead me in the direction I should go.” I am done figuring out anything that my Higher Power can bust through walls and decipher for me.

We have grace for others, we need to have grace for ourselves too. I’m trying to do so anyway. It is hard!

God has adamant love for you. You are not alone.

Proverbs 3:26 …for the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

All the above being said, emotions that get in the way ongoing should be addressed with a professional. Be brave and seek help from your doctor or therapist as needed. There is so much power and freedom to be found in tapping into the truth about ourselves.

Glenna

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